Navigating my Student Identity

Written by Geetika Kullampalle

Throughout my childhood, I always felt like an outsider when my parents discussed Saibaba and Sarath Babuji, affectionately known as Guruji. Both were spiritual modern day saints whose principles my family and I have followed. My parents would share incredible stories of their experiences, but I struggled to connect with them. Our family and other families would gather for Satsangs throughout the year, where they talked about Saibaba and Guruji and their experiences. These gatherings involved listening to recordings of Guruji discussing various topics such as prayer techniques and maintaining focus for extended periods. However, I found it challenging to grasp these concepts that seemed beyond my reach. It made me feel like I was missing an essential part of our spiritual history and left me feeling like an outsider. 

But last summer, everything changed when I had the opportunity to attend a two-week summer camp at a Saibaba temple located on an organic farm called Harithachalla. As soon as I arrived, the unique environment immediately caught my attention. Deep down inside, I hoped that this experience would help me establish a stronger connection with Saibaba and Guruji while providing me with a sense of belonging. 

The mornings at the camp felt magical. We would gather in front of a beautiful idol of Saibaba while watching the sun gradually illuminate his face as it rose. There was something so magical about that moment - it felt as though the rising sun was divulging hidden truths to us all. With each passing second, Saibaba's smile seemed to widen as the sun's radiant embrace bathed him in hues of pearl and gold fueling my curiosity towards him even more strongly than before.The sunrise foreshadowed days full of excitement and bliss lying ahead; it almost felt like the sky was sharing its secrets with us. 

Beyond discovering a personal bond with Saibaba and Guruji, I connected deeply with my fellow campers as well. On our last night together, we shared extremely meaningful stories about our lives and struggles. Initially hesitant about opening up for fear of judgment or misunderstanding, I soon discovered that I was not alone in my doubts and uncertainties. Each person had their battles and moments of connection.  Sharing our vulnerabilities turned out to be a turning point in our camp experience. Our laughter and tears wove together a tapestry of shared experiences that transcended all differences between us. It was an incredibly liberating realization that despite taking different paths, we all shared similar feelings of uncertainty on our individual quests for connections with Saibaba and Guruji. 

As each day passed at camp, our understanding of Saibaba deepened significantly. We delved into his teachings on compassion and learned about his selfless dedication to helping others. Through conversations with fellow campers and by listening to the stories shared by the elders, the missing pieces of my spiritual puzzle began to fall into place. One of the most profound moments came when we were granted access to Guruji's library. His books offered unique insights into his life, his connection with Saibaba, and his remarkable journeys to meet other saints. As I perused those pages, I realized how magical and spiritual his journey was. This realization brought me closer not only to him but also to Saibaba himself.

We formed a tightknit family bonded by our collective journey towards establishing a deeper connection with SaiBaba and Guruji. We immersed ourselves in one another's stories; sharing triumphs as well as struggles that had shaped us into who we are today. It was through shared laughter in which inside jokes were formed, friendships blossomed during hikes and walks while energetically singing along. The memories etched on the walls of our hearts became just as vivid as the ones we painted on the walls around us. Gratitude circles, playful games, midnight adventures on mopeds, encounters with curious frogs. Every experience seamlessly stitched together. This camp not only helped us grow but also formed an unbreakable family eager to reunite once again in the future.

As the camp drew to a close, I reflected on those two weeks with immense gratitude in my heart. The camp had provided much more than just knowledge about Saibaba; it had given me a sense of belonging like never before. The organic farm served as the backdrop for our transformations, while each person I encountered became an integral part of my life.